6 books on a topic + 5 classes = odds are 2-to-1 on teachers
assigning the same topic at the same time.
Budget statements from the District Office are always inversely
proportional to your budget.
If you made the system foolproof you discover that everybody
has suddenly become geniuses.
When 60% of your book order is back-ordered, you can safely
bet that 90% of the back-orders are out of print.
A "missing" encyclopedia will remain missing until
the replacement you ordered is placed on the shelf.
Books will remain upright on the shelf until you go to place
another book beside them.
You finally revise you card catalogue after putting it off for
a year only to discover a week later that a complete revision
is coming out in a month.
You can be sure the student who has the most overdue books reads
the least.
When a teacher recommends a library book to a student, you can
be certain that the teacher has checked out the only copy and
has lent it to a friend in Peru.
Students always require a 400 word article for a 500 word essay.
Change libraries frequently. It allows you to place the blame
on your predecessor for anything that is wrong.
Make 17 subject headings for a book and you will find that you
should have made 18.
The one time of the month that you take 5 minutes to read MAD
magazine is when your superintendent walks in.
Prepare your year-end report in September before you have screwed
everything up.
If it's a good book, it's out of stock. If it's an excellent book,
it's out of print.
No matter how many books you have on a subject the student always
thinks they're all "too big".
The "super" syndrome: Libraries are always empty when
the principal or superintendent comes to visit.
The volunteer aide who files the worst is the one who volunteers
the most.
If you have a system that works you must be doing everything
wrong.
No matter how long you keep an article or
piece of information you will never need it till you throw it
away.
